Often times, as I’m examining my conscience in preparation for confession, or when I’m reflecting at mass, I come to the conclusion that I need desperately to devote more of my time to prayer and religious education. This has been something I’ve wrestled with for the past year or so. But I still put it off. I still can’t find those moments to devote.
How hard can it be to find a moment?
How much time do I waste on Pinterest (it’s not really wasting if I’m finding new ideas and recipes, right?), watching tv or doing any number of things that are unnecessary? Too much.
About six months ago, I decided I wanted to learn Latin. My husband and I have discussed learning a new language for years. We both like the idea of raising our children at least partially bi-lingual. And while I remember enough French from high school to get by, he wasn’t all that interested in the language. When we started discussing Latin, I was intrigued by both the religious aspect (is there anything more beautiful than a Latin mass?) and the linguistic aspect. My husband loved the idea of learning a language that is the root of so much of today’s languages. So I bought Wheelock’s Latin and Workbook, and Latin for Dummies, plus a Latin-English dictionary. As soon as I got them, I did the first lesson, got pumped up about it, and then got busy with something else. And now, close to three months later, I haven’t picked it back up. I got the books off the shelf a few weeks ago but then got distracted making chicken stock and watching Bones and never went back to it. Why can’t I spare 30 minutes a day to work on it? Why do I make such trivial things, like re-watching my favorite television shows from the beginning while looking for new rice recipes, a priority, and not much more important things, like learning a new language, or better yet, prayer? I don’t have the answers. But I know it is right up there on my list of things I want to improve.
I once mentioned how hard it was for me to put my prayer life first to someone in passing, and their advice was to pray for God’s guidance and help with finding time. But how do I pray about not praying enough?! So I try to reflect on it before mass, when I have time to focus on my relationship with God. I try to push out the fears about starting a family, budget, career and everything else. I try to make time to listen to His guidance. But it is a struggle and it is something I have to put effort into. And that’s okay. I think it’s okay to have a struggling faith life. As long as I keep trying and I am conscious of the fact that it needs work, I think that is okay.
How have you made time for prayer? I’ve tried doing it first thing in the morning or just before bed, but with a husband working second and third shift, and working from home myself, my schedule is anything but consistent and it just hasn’t worked for me. I’m thinking about starting a mandatory lunch hour, since I get an hour break, and taking that as quiet time of reflection. It may even help my work productivity to get up and away from the computer in the middle of the day. I’ll keep you updated. Maybe I’ll even get back into my Latin lessons and do a weekly summary of what I’ve learned!
Here’s a cute cat picture to send you on your way.