babies · faith

I’m back! And some prayer guilt.

So it has been quite some time since I last posted. And honestly, my life hasn’t been all that busy, up until a few months ago. When I first started this blog, I felt strongly called to begin writing down all the thoughts that were running through my head, and I felt very strongly that it could and would help me grow in faith (and hopefully help some others, too!). However, after a few months of not really growing in readers, I started to lose my fervor. And I gave up. Honestly, in the months that followed I didn’t really ever say, “Gee, this thought/event/experience would be a great blog post” so I felt like ending my blog was a good idea. Recently, my little family has been going through what feels like constant change and this morning I woke up and felt that strong pull again.

I need to get back to my blog.

Here I am! It feels like everything, and yet not much, has changed since I last posted. My husband and I moved, twice. We are now happily (and hopefully for a long time) settled into a two-bedroom duplex set back in the woods. It’s very quiet and peaceful and we really love it. Perhaps the biggest news is that we are 22 weeks into our first pregnancy! Little Baby should be here sometime in mid-October and we are enjoying being out of the morning sickness stage and into the having a bump and feeling/seeing baby move stage.

Recently, we’ve had some additional changes thrown on top of our already changing-too-quickly-for-my-liking personality. Naturally, I’ve ramped up my prayer life in search of some comfort, Grace and clarity. As I was lying in bed last night, saying my nighttime prayers, I was hit hard by how hypocritical and wrong it feels to pray hardest when I need something. It is certainly human to try harder when we need or want something really bad, but why don’t we pray just as hard when we’re really happy about something. Ever since we found out we were expecting, I’ve been praying for the health of baby and pregnancy, a safe delivery, and for my husband and I to be good parents, always putting baby’s best interest first and raising him or her to know and love God. I’ve added prayers for strengthening our marriage. These all on top of my normal prayers for the health of my family, the well being of my niece and nephew, and guidance for our nation and world leaders. I also thank God for giving us this little soul, for whatever length of time we get to call him or her ours, thank Him for this wonderful home we’ve found ourselves in and for our families and everything else we have been blessed with.

But since we’ve been hit with some new issues, and I’ve found myself praying and praying, I feel guilty. I feel guilty that when I have a particularly good day or something amazing happens to my family, my first thought doesn’t fall to prayer. Yet when the going gets tough, I get praying. How can I expect or think I deserve the Grace and blessings I’m begging for, when I don’t give the thanks for what I already have? I know this is a human issue, and I know God knows my heart, knows I’m not just a greedy, insincere person, but still, that guilt weighs heavy on me. I need help making God and prayer a center-point of my life. And it feels even more urgent when I think of this little soul that has been entrusted to me. I need to get my prayer life together so I can raise this baby to know and love God.

Any tips? How do you keep your prayer life active and grateful?


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